...what a beautiful gift ...

Today I received what my heart tells me is a beautiful gift ... and because I am always one to attentively listen to my heart first before all else, I will share this all awhile knowing that it may appear to some that I may not be exactly living in the real moment, as it pertains to this experience!!! I however will let your own discernment be the casting vote!
Sometime ago, through the efforts of offering my support to an artist friend whom is sharing her music in a competition, crazily decided that perhaps I could do the same. So I proceeded with the task of nonchalantly entering two of my own original demos just for the sake of some fun. Well, once I realized what I had done, I then realized that I had opened up a can of worms that I know I didn't think of at the time of submission. I now had these two songs entered into this online competition (which you should know that I don't compete at the best of times.. it's just not in my genes ..lol) and now I had to ASK for some outward support ... I NEEDED VOTES!!
I will admit that was an incredibly difficult thing to do not to mention the immense personal challenge I faced with regards to putting myself out there in such a forum ... feeling extremely naked and vulnerable. This entire process though really provided a great space to introspect and come to terms with my genuine intent with the whole thing. What I was able to see is that it really wasn't ever about the competition persay as it was for the courage it really has taken for me to step up and out into the world like this which is such a much different way than I am certainly used to. The music thing has always been protected obviously due to the essence of where it comes from and the knowing that it really has not been birthed to be judged but rather to be embraced should there be a inner calling from the heart of the listener. I really needed to get clear on that before I could proceed any further because honestly this could really get confusing and go into so many different directions, I needed to be crystal clear on the why's behind all of what I was being guided to and strong with my intention.
I used the writing of a bio for the page that was posted in this competition as a means of this clarification of the heart. It is written there that my intent and desire truly is just to have the music heard and then perhaps someone be touched deeply and moved in the experience .. nothing more or less ...
Well over the course of a month, one of the two songs made it through three levels and ended up today being aired and judged by a panal of four or five people in the quarter finals. It was amongst 23 other songs and before the judging ,was ranked 7th overall ( due to the high number of votes and great reviews it received because of my hugh base of support) ... This I am sure will dramatically change now after people hear the judges opinions as I was basically trashed on air, personally as well as my song ... NOW this is very interesting and much has come to me because of this test.
"I PASSED" is what the words were that streamed through me ... What I received is the acknowledgement that my intention set was true and legitimate and not just words and lip service. I actually was and am speaking and living from a place of truth in my heart otherwise I would have been somewhat destroyed or certainly distraught after hearing the words spoken on the air. I am fully appreciative, not arrogant, and do realize so deeply that my sharing is an expression of god and because of that I have nothing personally invested... meaning there is absence of ego and for that I AM DELIGHTED and will continue to honour the music as it flows through me no matter what! It takes these kinds of playgrounds in order for us to determine and almost gage our progress ... simply put. Opportunities to put your truths and beliefs to practice. Without the field to play in, there would have to be other ways in which to observe our spiritual movements and growth.
It is not easy for anyone to hear not nice things being spoken about themselves but yet, it was totally ok simply because I had done my homework and was very clear on the reasons behind the entire experience. The only one physical thing that I wish I could have changed is that I am sorry I didn't make it clear that the songs entered were in a demo state and not mastered or yet perfected in a studio setting like all of the other entries .... interestly enough, one of the panel members did make mention that had it been refined a bit more, the opinions shared would be different!
Again, not taking anything away, I am soo proud of my courage to enter into something that was soooo scary. They say that to endure and open up to greater spiritual movements, one must find a way to honour and move out of their comfort zone ... YES, YES, YES!!! When doing so, just remember to get clear on what the intent is all about and not to attach to any outward hopes or expectations of anothers' opinion ..... jump in freely in order to get the most out of the wake!!! I am grateful for the entire unfoldment and do have much respect to those artists whom have spend their lives crafting their gifts. Part of appreciating and understanding oneness is being able to accept and embrace different perspectives for what they truly are ... this all comes when you allow yourself the gift of knowing who you are soulfully and being completely ok in honouring that divine spark ... no matter what!
I do believe the greater or higher part of my being knew that it would require an "against all odds" type of experience to occur to put my truth to test... I am smiling inside and out because just like love, peace and all of these attributes our souls are longing to embrace, they are not created outside of ourselves, ever! This particular opportunity showed me that I can be hit with flying bullets and be in a somewhat emotional war torn experience and STILL be peaceful, loving, appreciative, grateful and one with the magnificence of all that is ... this is the learning and the movement, we as awakened beings can all participate in ... should we choose to!

Thank you all for your part in this discovery .... namaste beautiful ones!!