Sunday, November 29, 2009

...greivances ...

WHOA brothas and sistas ... this is something that can be quite an intense awakening. I am finding that through these 40 days of oneness, much stuff is happening within ... I do so lovingly extend to those really ready to get down and clean out, to perhaps engage in these practices, they really work! Great job my beautiful darling friends, what a great gift this book of knowledge is ... for those already sensitively heightened, you will have fun with this one, I promise!!

Anyways, I actually entertained the idea of "the greivance of oneness", day 24 practice the evening before I had even read the pages ... it was totally amazing how just everything fell out into live experience almost as written word for word from within the book .. which I will resay at that time I had not yet had the opportunity of reading!
One little comment given to me, triggered a whole shit load of what I believed in the moment was completely valid and justified. It wasn't until I excused myself and went elsewhere that I picked up "The Proof" only to read the proof of everything I was so eloquently experiencing!

I think the most prevalent point being played out on my big screen of dramatics was how our grievances, can and do control us if we allow them which then ususally results in one constantly perceiving the words and actions of others as threats or attacks, as written on page 115.
This particular practice obviously warrants merit as it has shown itself personally to me with extreme sensitivity ... I was quickly able to discern and recognize just how much this means of communication is present within some of my relationships ... the blame game, lack of responsibility being owned etc. FASCINATING!! How easy it is when one's essence feels threatened to just place it elsewhere INSTEAD of taking the time to do some inner house cleaning .... amazing the things that can be found that we may have thought have been long forgotten ... not!!

I can feel quite secure in sharing that most of us at some point in our lives have had the feelings associated with such thoughts as ..."You don't respect me, you don't appreciate me and include me; you don't love me; you don't reward me; you don't want me; you don't acknowledge me!"pg 116

Well let me tell ya, I have and these usually are the triggers for greater understanding, forgiveness and healing when they come knocking at my door ... It is so easy for us to just hang out with the feelings associated with the thoughts and take defense positions to fight instead of responding by realizing deeper within us that these are simply opportunities to become silent within ourselves and really look beneath the words to the patterns we are holding that are not in alignment with the truth of who we really are! As I said though, it takes much courage to embrace this next step because by the time this is all playing out, emotions are usually running high ... and it is easier to blame than to own! It can become a classic game of "survival of the fittest ... " instead of a surrendering and dissolving for the higher good. These kinds of thoughts when heard running in our head are directly linked to our sense of worth and how we love! That is the pattern playing out ... SO ... something we all should keep close in heart and mind ... if we do than we will have the necessary tools to move beyond the triggers and dig deep into the release and healing that is being offered in that moment!

Good luck .. what I can say is that the process of remembering truth is not always an easy thing but well worth the time and effort ... it is quite freeing!!! Blessings and love for a wonderful day ... remember to take some time to be kind and gentle with yourself first and then extend it outward to all those around you - don't ever be afraid to make amends and say I AM SORRY, PLEASE FORGIVE ME, THANK YOU and, I LOVE YOU!

Friday, November 27, 2009

... are we really brave enough? ...

As written on page 100 in the book The Proof, it is shared that "your shadow has valuable lessons it can teach you, but you must be brave enough to face it ..."
Are we willing to embrace our moments of feeling separated; can we openly observe our tendencies in which we find ourselves judging others; are we willing to engage more flexibility and begin to own our personal parts in situations instead of holding on to grievances and looking to always throw the ball of blame? .... hmmm something to definitely think about I'd say!

These kinds of questions are from the same bag of tricks that I have chosen to live by for many a year now. Although I have been treking along this awakened path for sometime, that doesn't dismiss any of what was written above in terms of exclusion. In fact, the more aware one becomes, the more responsibility given in each unfoldment simply because through our various stages of growth, we have been embedded with divine wisdom along the way ... the old saying that "ignorance is bliss' does hold some merit! If you do not know then how can you be awake enough to choose differently. The responsibility (ability to respond as I like to refer to it) really kicks in when we KNOW differently, when we have been through a situation and have been opened to, shall we say, a higher, more vibrationally attuned method of love!

I am absolutely enjoying the combination of these two programs I am actively engaged with in the moment ... interestingly enough they are very much in sync with the lessons and processes that are being shared. For instance, the exercise given in the book "the proof" on page 102 is very similar to the excavation questions that Baron Baptiste has included in his book for one to participate in weekly .... I fully support the deep dwelling that these questions can lead one to explore.

I would like to now share a very recent personal experience of shadow work that has cropped up most certainly as a result of my heightened awareness as it pertains to this movement and transformational process I have delved into within these two programs...
My son just recently experienced his first real spiritual retreat - it was a four day, fully facilitated experience, very similar to the ones I myself have had the blessed opportunity of being a part of. My understanding is that it was most definitely geared around opening the heart, providing that safe space for one to share their innermost fears, pains, shadows. Quite the opportunity for someone so young to be able to entertain this way of life and to learn different methods to deal with life's challenges. Not to mention the concept of ONENESS that was being shared throughout the entire stay.... not too many teenage boys think in those terms of shared experiences ... brotherhood I am sure has taken on a completely different meaning now that he has heard for himself the pains that accompany each other's own personal story! Gratitude and reverence for the gift of this precious life I am sure has been instilled in some capacity...

As he left for this a week ago, I held a space of much love and a true desire and hope that he as well as the others attending would gently find that courage to finally open up and speak their truths ... a sure act of bravery!

As most kids his age, I do believe he tends to keep much inside and I was hopeful that by the end of this he would feel much more lighter and freer within himself.
WHAT I didn't tune into in that moment was my own shadow having some fun with me ... cleverly disquised I might add. Along with this hope that I was holding, came a hidden agenda ... I was so prepared to expect that when it was all over, this new found LOVE was going to spill over into every area of his life ... He would finally be able to announce to the world just HOW GREAT HIS parents are, how much he is grateful for all the things that they have done ...etc.
Ahhh funny isn't it ... as much as I DO KNOW this to be his deepest truths, those words were never spoken. In a room filled with 34 others with whom most were soo eager to outwardly verbalize these thoughts, mine had to wait until no one else in the room could hear those heart admissions ....
The SHADOW that arose in that moment was simply this ... my lovingly kept expectations of how I assumed he would all of a sudden speak and share differently now that his heart had been stretched and opened ... in a much more outward expression than I am used to~ amazing how when it didn't play out that way, that my ego felt a tinch of "oh my god, maybe he doesn't love us, maybe he isn't grateful, didn't he get anything out of this retreat" .... ALL of course NONSENSE!!! The shadow side of me was trying to instill once again this whole idea of separation, judgements etc through preconceived expectations of what I think should of happened. The shadow had no intention on accepting what was divine and perfect, but rather was more content in sitting in what wasn't ...

I am happy to report though that the light shown on this shadow almost immediately, I bet not more than a 2 minute span was given to hear this untruth before the reality of our shared divinity and sacred connection took over ... yes, all was almost instantly resolved as I came to realize that this was HIS experience and opening and not my ego's ... It was a chance for him to wake to his own freedom, and not mine, it was his time! I was merely blessed to be observing as a spectator in the event and once I internalized that, his love has started to slowly come trickling out in his subtle little ways ...

SO, the lesson you ask ... let us always try to be aware of how figments of scarcity and fear can worm their way into a space that you just aren't even thinking they could enter .... ONENESS is being able to celebrate in anothers' joy and movement even if you are not actively participating in it, (even though on some level we always are!!) ...

I had to really go deep to catch this one because of just how easy and how collectively programmed it was within me to think that way, especially since all others around were experiencing everything I had assumed would just automatically happen ... but that was the catch, although I could momentarily think those thoughts, I knew in my heart that I couldn't FEEL that way! That indeed was the trigger to stop, breathe, go inside and align with my deeper knowing of truth and of the oneness we do indeed share .....
So I say a very deep heart thank you to my most precious son for your participation in this learning not only for yourself but for me as well and moreso for embracing the courage it did take to give yourself the permission to listen to your soul and honour the call .... as you continue on to LIVE THE FOURTH ... knowing that your life does make a difference, always!

I do hope this sharing will offer at least the oppportunity for others to embrace the bravery it does takes for anyone, to heighten the awareness needed to live the life we are all meant to have ... love, blessings and gratitude being sent .. always!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

...freedom of expression ...

What a diverse topic of discussion this could prove to be! What is freedom anyway? How does one find it, how does one embrace it, what are the determining factors that can either support it fully, or squash the expression entirely?

Hmm, back to this whole beautiful gift thing (... read post below). I suppose the intent in sharing all of that was a means of actually honoring and releasing .. freeing myself really from that experience and moving on, all in a very positive, optimistic complete way! I guess up until now that is exactly what I have been able to do ... I was feeling so grateful for the entirety of that moment in time but was JUST tweeked seconds ago deep inside with yet another familar ambush of opinion. Hence the writing of this post ...

With this new comment I just received, I have come to see that my work in this particular playground really isn't complete otherwise I would have read the review and not felt a need to verbally defend my position or creation to someone else's thoughts. SOOOO, here I am once again back at the same blackboard ready to dig a wee bit deeper into the nature of this energy that has once again surfaced., and more importantly, the REAL reason behind this teaching!
OK .. the first thing I am hearing inside my head is this, "don't suit up and head out into the field if you have no intention of playing the game ..." Fair enough, I accept that and do take responsibility for the reasons that led me there in the first place. The deeper issue that has been birthed from reading the comments left from a reviewer is my own learning curve as it pertains to trusting my inclinations and expressions versus that of others whom (i believe my ego believes) by all means must have far more experience and know how in this game compared to me!
I KNOW I have allowed my originality and creative juices to be altered to be more, shall we say, pleasant and acceptable to the standard of perhaps what is out there and what would be more received. TRUST ... LET GO ... SURRENDER ... BELIEVE ... all crucial elements of freedom wouldn't you say?
If I may add I do wholeheartedly LOVE the manner in which the universe holds us accountable to our word. Just as I was thinking that I could elegantly move past this experience I realize I am being taken deeper into the cave of enlightenment and this is what I am being blessed to discover ..

I AM GUILTY as charged ... no fooling my soul! I KNOW that in relation to this particular opportunity being shared, I was inwardly warned and do have very deep feelings inside that are similar to the words written in this particular review I am speaking of. The thing is, when I needed to make a decision, I was hearing my truth but it was a very silent conversation that indeed took place inside my head. Of course I know it was certainly being prompted from my heart, BUT I couldn't seem to get past the awkwardness of, or fear of expressing "FREELY", my innermost thoughts and guidance as it pertained to the direction this project was heading in. SO, consequently I took the 5th and chose to remain silent and allow the voice of another to direct and birth the creation full well knowing that it was not in alignment with my own heart song. In fact, I did incriminate myself completely and have been constantly reminded of this so really, how could I not think or know that something would happen to reflect this unsettledness back to me ... of course there would be a mirror for me to peer into and finally see all that I know to be truth deep inside me. It is now certainly the time to take this moment of revelation and ponder, in order to resolve and finally move on, freely!
HMMMM, I am grateful for all of this being brought to my attention and I truly honor the angel behind the review because their revealing of this truth has most definitely provided me the heightened awareness and discernment to continue on within my own freedom wake ...


Well, I again will trust this inner voice no matter what and express my truth freely, because it will lead me inward always to align with the greater intent of my serving and worldly offerings. I will actively let go of inner doubt as it pertains to the manner in which spirit is flowing through this vessel of mine. This is what it means to be true to self and allow the higher voice of divine to be freely expressed. I embrace this process so much and hope that through this sharing one will be able to see just how many levels comprise our beings. We can at anytime decide how we want to deal with things ... be it superficially in a mode of defence and protective battleground ( in which this post wouldn't exist) OR with a deeper reverence and appreciation for the greater gift that awaits within ... the REVIEWER was simply the messenger ... the words simply the gift ... I thank god for the ability to respond and for the courage it takes to continue to suit up in many different fields of play so that my human side can be stretched to really engage and participate in this game of soulful rememberance and dance of spiritual wonder ... and freedom! AHHHHH ...blessings loved ones!!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

...what a beautiful gift ...

Today I received what my heart tells me is a beautiful gift ... and because I am always one to attentively listen to my heart first before all else, I will share this all awhile knowing that it may appear to some that I may not be exactly living in the real moment, as it pertains to this experience!!! I however will let your own discernment be the casting vote!
Sometime ago, through the efforts of offering my support to an artist friend whom is sharing her music in a competition, crazily decided that perhaps I could do the same. So I proceeded with the task of nonchalantly entering two of my own original demos just for the sake of some fun. Well, once I realized what I had done, I then realized that I had opened up a can of worms that I know I didn't think of at the time of submission. I now had these two songs entered into this online competition (which you should know that I don't compete at the best of times.. it's just not in my genes and now I had to ASK for some outward support ... I NEEDED VOTES!!
I will admit that was an incredibly difficult thing to do not to mention the immense personal challenge I faced with regards to putting myself out there in such a forum ... feeling extremely naked and vulnerable. This entire process though really provided a great space to introspect and come to terms with my genuine intent with the whole thing. What I was able to see is that it really wasn't ever about the competition persay as it was for the courage it really has taken for me to step up and out into the world like this which is such a much different way than I am certainly used to. The music thing has always been protected obviously due to the essence of where it comes from and the knowing that it really has not been birthed to be judged but rather to be embraced should there be a inner calling from the heart of the listener. I really needed to get clear on that before I could proceed any further because honestly this could really get confusing and go into so many different directions, I needed to be crystal clear on the why's behind all of what I was being guided to and strong with my intention.
I used the writing of a bio for the page that was posted in this competition as a means of this clarification of the heart. It is written there that my intent and desire truly is just to have the music heard and then perhaps someone be touched deeply and moved in the experience .. nothing more or less ...
Well over the course of a month, one of the two songs made it through three levels and ended up today being aired and judged by a panal of four or five people in the quarter finals. It was amongst 23 other songs and before the judging ,was ranked 7th overall ( due to the high number of votes and great reviews it received because of my hugh base of support) ... This I am sure will dramatically change now after people hear the judges opinions as I was basically trashed on air, personally as well as my song ... NOW this is very interesting and much has come to me because of this test.
"I PASSED" is what the words were that streamed through me ... What I received is the acknowledgement that my intention set was true and legitimate and not just words and lip service. I actually was and am speaking and living from a place of truth in my heart otherwise I would have been somewhat destroyed or certainly distraught after hearing the words spoken on the air. I am fully appreciative, not arrogant, and do realize so deeply that my sharing is an expression of god and because of that I have nothing personally invested... meaning there is absence of ego and for that I AM DELIGHTED and will continue to honour the music as it flows through me no matter what! It takes these kinds of playgrounds in order for us to determine and almost gage our progress ... simply put. Opportunities to put your truths and beliefs to practice. Without the field to play in, there would have to be other ways in which to observe our spiritual movements and growth.
It is not easy for anyone to hear not nice things being spoken about themselves but yet, it was totally ok simply because I had done my homework and was very clear on the reasons behind the entire experience. The only one physical thing that I wish I could have changed is that I am sorry I didn't make it clear that the songs entered were in a demo state and not mastered or yet perfected in a studio setting like all of the other entries .... interestly enough, one of the panel members did make mention that had it been refined a bit more, the opinions shared would be different!
Again, not taking anything away, I am soo proud of my courage to enter into something that was soooo scary. They say that to endure and open up to greater spiritual movements, one must find a way to honour and move out of their comfort zone ... YES, YES, YES!!! When doing so, just remember to get clear on what the intent is all about and not to attach to any outward hopes or expectations of anothers' opinion ..... jump in freely in order to get the most out of the wake!!! I am grateful for the entire unfoldment and do have much respect to those artists whom have spend their lives crafting their gifts. Part of appreciating and understanding oneness is being able to accept and embrace different perspectives for what they truly are ... this all comes when you allow yourself the gift of knowing who you are soulfully and being completely ok in honouring that divine spark ... no matter what!

I do believe the greater or higher part of my being knew that it would require an "against all odds" type of experience to occur to put my truth to test... I am smiling inside and out because just like love, peace and all of these attributes our souls are longing to embrace, they are not created outside of ourselves, ever! This particular opportunity showed me that I can be hit with flying bullets and be in a somewhat emotional war torn experience and STILL be peaceful, loving, appreciative, grateful and one with the magnificence of all that is ... this is the learning and the movement, we as awakened beings can all participate in ... should we choose to!

Thank you all for your part in this discovery .... namaste beautiful ones!!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Forty day process of transformation ...

Welcome everyone .. this is the beginning of yet another new chapter of discovery! I find it timely and most certainly fitting for me to begin anew with this blog by charting my journey as i commit to a 40 day movement into transformation and oneness!For those of you who know me personally, you know that anything that has to do with physical action in the form of fitness etc. has always shown itself as a CHALLENGE ... The fact that I have chosen to share this new experience with all of you I suppose is my way of keeping aligned with the desire at hand. By engaging all of you as an audience to this experiment and having you somewhat involved in my movement thru the daily writing of this blog, it will prove to be difficult for me to not face up to this opportunity and own the responsibility of this personal challenge and stretch simply because of the extended commitment I feel towards my readers .... I will do my best to share the insights that are uncovered along the way as well as welcoming any means of support you may feel guided to share...The purpose behind this experience other than the knowing that it is time for me to integrate this next stage of growth, is once again to shed light firsthand on how spirit works through all of us to enhance our very own unique ways of freedom .... I invite you all to share in this process and perhaps begin your own very authentic call to wake!What I have committed to is a practice of "40 days to personal revolution" by Baron Baptiste ... it is a breakthrough program to radically change the body and awaken the sacred within the soul! It is devised to incorporate daily practices of yoga, diet awareness, meditation as well as weekly excavation questions for one to ponder.In combination to this, two of my dear friends have just released a new book called "The Proof'" as well as a global experiment using the 40 exercises to create the embodying of oneness. I highly recommend this read and moreso your personal participation in this sacred movement of love .. for those of you whom are interested and would love more information, you can go to: or

Alrighty then .. here we go!!!! PLEASE feel free to join in .... love and blessings

... follow my next 40 days into discovery ...

Ok .. here is the update to my personal fitness challenge ... TODAY is January 25th!!!

Anyone following this can certainly see the lag in entries made regarding this experiment .. what i can easily share is that I NEVER did say it was going to be 40 days IN A ROW!! Ah yes, always a loophole when it comes to my own exercise regime ....

I am so grateful because I haven't totally abandoned the entire process ... as like with most things in my world .. there really is never an ending but rather a continuation from all of my previous endeavors SOOO .. this is what has happened -
1) I went to a yoga/pilates class before Christmas
2) Recognized someone whom I have had their contact number for over 2 years
3) Made the connection through email and she offered herself up for the challenge .. yes of course she would as I represent exactly the fun she banks on when she takes on new clients as a personal trainer ....
4)Met with her at least 3 weeks after initial contact for a coffee at starbucks .. of course to discuss the plans
5) Had second greet and meet last week ... no not at the gym, at starbucks AGAIN!!
6) and TODAY is my 3rd meeting and yes it will be at the gym .... or at least the lobby anyways!!

I would like to report that I also have already delighted my senses in an hour of kundalini yoga practice this morning ... SO .. to the exercise gods and all those rooting for me (even if that is just myself) I sing a song of gratitude for this continued journey into foreign territory .... lets see what tomorrow will bring!!!

This is being created for those of you whom are a wee bit interested in following a crazy gal in her day to day pursuit of this personal challenge. My intent is to provide some form of daily sharing as it pertains to what it is I may be experiencing while participating in this program. Please feel free to read daily, offer support and wisdom OR better yet join me!! Let me know if you would like to take part and be a contributor to this site and share your own "wake to freedom" ... email me at .....

DAY 21: I am finding the Oneness process quite fulfilling as I am sure it energetically is behind even this blogging. I am grateful for that as I have always found writing to be such a joy and inspirational way of validating my growth. For all I know truly, these writings may just be for my eyes only as I am never certain whom will feel the pull to join in and either share or simply follow!
AS for my progress with the BARON .. I AM planning on catching up .. this is hugh improvement for me because usually by this time I would have aborted forsure ... instead though I have decided to listen to my heart and perhaps make a few modifications that will better suit me and my life at this time so that I do not feel overwhelmed enough to walk away from this program! I AM fully committed and not listening to the occasional voice of
"you have to do it this way"; "you should already be on the second week of yoga poses and you are not even complete with the first" ... "hey you haven't even fully embraced the entire sun salutation sequence with 5 breaths" ... YES and so, as I was saying, I am setting my goal of being able to incorporate daily yoga practice AFTER the 40 days is over, this will be the gift that keeps on giving ... THIS IS GROWTH PEOPLE for those of you whom know me personally ... what's that, do I hear applauds for my efforts? ... ohhhh THANK YOU!!!

WEEK TWO: OK so I have missed blogging a few days ... did anyone really notice? Much has transpired, I am happy to report that I am still in the game here with both programs. My "Baron Baptiste" transformational one is a bit behind as I halted a week so that I could wait for my friend to join in ... which she so delightfully has! Still trying to convince her to share her insights along the way but she remains a shy one!! Umm as for the ONENESS movement, I am ticking along as well and enjoying the process immensely.
My yoga practice has all of a sudden become quite the dark shadow for me to face ... the question I must ponder is whether it has become that way psychologically because I AM REQUIRED to engage everyday in this practice .. why must I do yoga everyday you ask ... because the BARON says so!!!
I need to congratulate myself though as I just finished day one of my first week practice when in actuality I should be, if following the program, starting week two!!!! I know, I know but I AM LOVING MYSELF EVERY POSE and in EVERYWAY even if I have been a bit tardy!! THANK YOU my blessed friend for gently supporting me with your love and little nudge this morning with a text message that said ..." i really support you doing the yoga this morning..."
WELL it worked ..... you are a wise one MP!!
I am happy to report also that I ate 2 pieces of FRESH fruit today as well ... hmmm,I am on a roll! Alright off to meditate now on all the voices in my head!!!

DAY FOUR: I awoke this morning with signs of having experienced some form of movement within my physical body yesterday ... "no pain, no gain so they say.." Funny thing is, it actually feels good .. i suppose it is a way of showing me what it feels like again to BE PRESENT on a much broader or deeper level. As with the yoga positions and stretches, I also am in alignment with much reflective stretching as well. I love how the integration of the two or shall i say four, is profoundly apparent - mind, body,spirit and soul! I feel positive, I am motivated to engage my physical practice today ... the voice of my ego is speaking very dimly right now SO i will receive this as a sign to move forward while i still can in the silence of this blessed gift ....ahhh, there might even be a spot open for me to enjoy a juicing concoction ... recipe to follow!"may our day be filled with the energies of life, the spontaniety of newness and the follow through of our hearts dreams" ..... AND SO IT IS!!!

DAY THREE: I am proud to report that ahh yes, how lovely it is to actually feel things in one's body that have been buried and forgotten ... of course i am speaking of the many muscles that got addressed in today's session of YOGA! Delightfully fascinating to experience just where tension is held and the deeper meaning of it all ... "God grant me the patience and serenity to continue walking gently into this higher magnificence!! I will embrace the illusion of being afraid of this goodness, i will embrace the acts of sabatoge regarding my inner flexibility ONLY to transcend and move thru and into the divine space that is already there waiting for me "... Amen

DAY TWO: Well this is interesting .. all day long I have tried to put off any connection to what it is I have intended to experience. It has been a day of everything else ... I am being kind to myself and ensuring that I remain patient with my essence as I work through the myriad of voices in my head leading me into everything other than what I have desired to choose ... the chocolate chip cookies, banana chocolate chip muffins ... Yes very loud callings ..lolThe one thing I can report is that I have spent a fair bit of time this day simply breathing with much devotion and awareness to this very sacred, much required practice! As so eloquently written by my dear sista Anakha, "I am forever connected to my soul in the spirit of Life .. I AM. I AM. I AM" .... it is for this very reason I surrender all things not in alignment and now head off to do some yoga!!! Woohoo ... hmmm blessings and love being sent ...

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